I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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