She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
