I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
