Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
