Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
