meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
cat food counts as protein by the way
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
