Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
