I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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