I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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