I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
