Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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