Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
