wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
