i just made my gag reflex go away.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
