actually, I'm a sock model
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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