there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
