A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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