Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this beer tastes like vomit already
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
