It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
