I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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