She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you had me at cake vodka
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
