dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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