Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just threw up on my dentist
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
