have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
