My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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