i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
