Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
