Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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