We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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