Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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