i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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