It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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