Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
