Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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