I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you win again, gameday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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