I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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