Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
