Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
