I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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