is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
