ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ikea night.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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