after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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