I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
