Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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