We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
