im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
