Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
