you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
