He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
