I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
