so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
