I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
