erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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