Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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