I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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